Sunday, October 27, 2013

10/27/13

It has only been 10 days since I posted here last and yet it seems like forever.

My workouts are continuing although I think that I've just figured out that I would probably be happier with them if they were more intense and more often.  -slow paced and half way is easy to set aside.  Even though I continue with the sciatic pain, even that seems a bit more tolerable with a good sweat.

In spite of workouts and really, REALLY watching my diet, I'm no closer to my goal than I was 2 months ago when I started.  That is really, really frustrating!  I don't really know the option for this.

I'm having trouble finding a routine that allows me to fit everything in at a level that I'm happy with.  And I'm having trouble focusing.  I don't know the answer to this either...really.  I keep trying though.  I have to make a better effort at this because I think its essential to feeling like I'm making progress...

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Transformation Needs Consistency!

My last post here was 17 days ago.  Really?  I call that a major gap in habits and consistency! 

Here's what I know... I let things get in the way.  I get busy.  I plan to much.  I get lazy.  I don't maintain the habits that will, at least, track the change that is occurring.  I have tried to keep up my workouts.  And I've done pretty good.  Except of course for the surgery on my face.  But... the workouts are on.  But my eating habits suck!  And all in all, my weight is going in the opposite direction that I would like to see it.  ...and I'll soon have no clothes because I threw out all the ones that fit the fatter me.  UGH! 

I'm 53 with no significant support system and I need to turn this shit around.  It's hard to be your own accountability partner! Ya know?

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

10/1/13 - One month transformation

One month into my transformation and I don't know if what has happened could be called progress...may be its that I feel that if I shared what my approach to the past month with many people, I believe that they would shake their heads and laugh.  I know those people.  Some are my friends...but I'm not doing this for those people, I'm doing this for me. 

One month in, here's what I know.

Any change in my exercise and diet take more than 1 month to be noticeable.  About 15 years ago, I started a diet (with little exercise) that gave me major results in 15 days.  That's not my overeall history, not my reality, and not what I want for the future.  I want to make lasting changes, ones that I won't back slide from.  So I will keep making decisions that serve me well.

Getting caught up in the "shoulds" gets me down and doesn't move me forward.  I sometimes let my daily routine cause me to feel pressure from obligations outside myself.  Its those voices in my head that keep telling me what I SHOULD be doing.  Lesson: I have to be true to myself first, and be "smarter" about the shoulds.  I'm not saying that I've been dumb.  But I believe that I let myself give in, I give in to the pressure of perceived expectations, I give in to the pressure that those voices tell me what I should be doing.  When I do that, when I give in, I do not honor myself or my goals.  I want to handle the shoulds that serve me, and find some way to delegate (or ignore) the rest.

I have to continue giving myself permission to let my dreams and goals motivate me.  I guess this really ties into the shoulds.  If I think about taking action for too long, I will talk myself out of taking action.  I will rationalize action away for all the things that I "should" be doing instead.  Action will move me forward, inactivity won't.  A very wise friend told me, "Don't judge, just do.  And when you're done, look back to see if it worked, learn from it, and do again."

I think that my most important lesson is to love myself and support myself as I move forward.  This means that whatever I do, that I accept it as part of the process.  I will move forward.  I will embrace what comes.  At times there will be tears, at times disbelief, and sometimes they will slow me down...but I can't, no, I won't let them stop me.  I accept that I have flaws, but I love myself, flaws and all. 

This month of reflection has helped me begin to create a new vision...a revision of who I am...and who I am becoming.  Today, everything is possible!